Category Archives: Humor

In the SWAT Van

The guys were loading up the van for a full blown SWAT call a few weeks ago. I was still a street supervisor and working the evening shift.  Thinking I might be of some use, I hovered around the equipment room to help.  As we collected gas, less lethal, long guns, tools, and the rest of the gear, I told each one of them to “Be careful,” or “Watch your buddies.”  Just before the van was pulling out, I waved and told the last pair aboard, “Have fun stormin’ the castle!” Something special to me about serving on SWAT was the camaraderie and shared experiences that unfolded under serious pressure.  … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, SWAT | 2 Comments

K9 Hijinx

Okay, M@ reminded me of a story.  Back when I was in K9, when things were “in black and white” as a snarky friend once observed, a handler from a nearby agency told me about something that happened to him one night. It seems that at this particular department, they found a novel use for the K9 teams.  During narcotic buys-busts, a handler and dog would be hidden in the trunk of the undercover car.  When the narc dicks up front had completed a drug deal, they would give a short honk on the horn and, Surprise!, the K9 team would pop out to apprehend any runners.  Sounds fun, right? … Continue reading

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So long, Tahoe!

No, I’m not getting my Crown Vic back.  I am accepting an assignment in the Detective Bureau, overseeing Burglary/Pawn, Auto Theft, and Economic/Cyber Crimes.  It has been four years since I left DB for another stint on the street.  I will miss the K9 Unit, but this is an opportunity I did not think would come around. Later in the week, I will hand over the keys and fobs for this 2013 Chevrolet Tahoe Police Pursuit Vehicle (PPV) to another sergeant.  I hope she enjoys it as much as my aging back did.  The upright seating and roominess alleviated the need for NSAIDs for the little while that I had … Continue reading

Posted in Detectives, Humor, Misc. | Tagged | 5 Comments

They Stole my Crown Vic!

Okay, “they” meaning my Administration.  I went to work last night and saw a set of keys and fobs on my desk to a brand new Chevrolet Tahoe.  An email instructed me to vacate the CVPI posthaste.  She had been reassigned. I had been given my first Crown Victoria in 1990, when I went off to K9 school.  The previous handler had taken great care of the 1988 model and had even installed a cassette player!  I was thrilled, since I had no real love for the anemic Dodge Diplomat that had been my daily cruiser. I have spent many an hour in Crown Vics over the years and I … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Street | 3 Comments

Surviving to Twenty-Five Part Three

I have spent uncounted hours over the decades, consoling and counseling co-workers with marital troubles.  Why did people come to me? Because I am very happily into Year Nine of my third marriage.  Although it’s none of your goddamn business, I have unfortunately suffered through some of the worst divorce drama that any of my three different lawyers said they had yet encountered.  Yay, I win a prize. The demands of our work place can induce all manner of strife in our wedded relations.  Shift work, Type A attitudes (yes, us), temptations, and general disillusionment with society can drive a wedge between a cop and his or her spouse.  Once, … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Misc. | Tagged , | Leave a comment Sells Black Site’s Carbon Fiber Chopsticks!

Who doesn’t need a chopstick that can withstand 500 degree Fahrenheit temps and about 1.8 million PSI of tensile stresses?  We are talkin’ about eating Pho in the most dangerous places, safely!  I saw these in‘s showcase.  Black Site‘s weapons-grade chopsticks come with a baked-on food safe proprietary coating.  They are made from 100% solid carbon fiber that is Made and CNC Machined in the USA. The Hybrid are Black Site’s round cross-section chopsticks that measure 9″ long and taper from 0.3″ to 0.1″ for the last 4.5″ of the stick.  These are $75.00.  Fancy quadrangle (square at the large end) chopsticks are The MIB, which retail for $125.00.  … Continue reading

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Combat Flip Flops Vs. K9 Malinois

In case you haven’t heard of Combat Flip Flops, here is something from their website: “The journey began with the 75th Ranger Regiment. Lee and Griff made their first trip to Afghanistan in the Winter of 2003.  After several deployments and reality of a growing families, they separated from the military in 2006 and continued to support troops through other avenues. In 2010, Griff returned to Afghanistan to assist the growing Afghan National Army.  On that trip, he toured an Afghan-owned boot manufacturing plant and saw where a factory worker punched a flip flop thong through a combat boot sole.  The idea was born. “We started Combat Flip Flops with … Continue reading

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Gov. Rick Scott Literally Shoots Down Police Drones

Okay, not literally, but I get a kick out of when people misuse the word.  Anyway, Gov. Rick Scott signed into law this week legislation which will, in essence, keep law enforcement drones grounded by way of severe restrictions. Effective 6/1/2013, the Florida Freedom from Unwarranted Surveillance Act would prohibit law enforcement agencies from using an unmanned aerial vehicle (defined as a drone in the act) to gather evidence or other information, or from using evidence obtained or collected in violation of the act in any state court of law. A drone is defined as a powered, aerial vehicle that: 1.  Does not carry a human operator; 2.  Uses aerodynamic forces … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Legal, Misc., Technology | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Surviving to Twenty-Five Part Two

In the first part of Surviving to Twenty-Five, I yapped a bit about safety and diet and exercise.  Another part of long-term officer survival is in the work arena.  Over the years, I have collected a few tips for getting your career off to a good beginning. If you just had those patches sewn on your uniform shirts, the best tactic for you on the job is to keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth closed, except to ask questions.  And, contrary to cliché, there is such a thing as a dumb question.  It’s the one you have already asked more than once. Ours is a profession devoted … Continue reading

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Surviving to Twenty-Five

Several months ago, I crested the 25-year mark as a sworn police officer.  More recently, I turned 50.  I had some thoughts about surviving a law enforcement career for a quarter of a century that I would like to share. I will get this one out of the way right off.  Continue your officer safety training and mindset throughout your whole career, regardless of your job description.  Everything else on which I will comment has no bearing if you do not live to fight another day.  Always be aware of your surroundings and think tactically on and off duty.  What would I do if X, Y, or Z happened right … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Medical, Misc., Off Duty, Officer Safety | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

VHS, the YouTube of Yesterday

Back in 1987 (the year I was sworn in), sending out a hundred training tapes on VHS was the equivalent of something going viral today.  A traffic stop in Los Angeles that year prompted this sarcastic training tape. According to lore, the LA Police Department sent out a roll call safety brief stating that gang members may be using former LA County Sheriff’s Department Chevrolet Malibu’s for criminal activities.  LAPD Harbor Division cops end up stopping a “suspicious” unmarked Chevy Malibu on felony traffic.  The Malibu contains–two sworn LASD deputies!  Despite being in full uniform, the deputies are taken down at gunpoint by the PD officers and detained until an … Continue reading

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The Right K9 Tool for the Right Job

We responded to a bomb threat last week.  Having an explosives detector dog at the scene reminded me of a call years ago when I was a K9 handler. It was the early 1990’s.  I was working a dual-purpose Patrol and Narcotics K9 on the Midnight Shift.  A woman called 911 to report that she was having a domestic with her boyfriend.  During the argument, he threatened to blow her and her whole family up.  Prior to our arrival, she told the dispatcher that he had left their…wait for it…mobile home with something under his shirt. Officers arrived on scene and she disgorged that he had previously served in the … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, K9 | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments


Around 2130 hrs last night, I was standing beside the road with a sheep on a leash.  I did not see that one coming. Some kids caught a ewe that had gotten loose from a nearby farm. (Must be a sheep witness protection program, because I didn’t even know it was there.)  I retrieved a dog leash from my trunk and kept the animal quiet until the owners arrived.  There were some strange looks from passing motorists. I had seen a coyote earlier in my shift.   There was a strong possibility the nervous sheep had been chased by a pack of our local predators. I have had dogs, cats, … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | 2 Comments

Magpul VW Micro Bus with a Mini Gun

This was cool. Randall

Posted in Humor, SHOT Show | 4 Comments

The Police Donut

So I was walking by the squad room, when one of the guys stopped me and said, “Hey Sarge, I have this theory about donuts.”  Huh?  Concerned for his mental health, I decided I needed to know more about donuts.  I sat down and asked him to explain himself.  He said, “I have an idea that police work is like eating a donut.”  Oh geez, why’d it have to be a donut. I invited him to continue.  He opined that, much like at the beginning of your employment, at first the donut is sweet and tasty and you want more.  But, he said, as your career progresses you reach a … Continue reading

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