{"id":5795,"date":"2013-06-21T01:33:11","date_gmt":"2013-06-21T05:33:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/?p=5795"},"modified":"2013-06-21T11:07:12","modified_gmt":"2013-06-21T15:07:12","slug":"surviving-to-twenty-five-part-three","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/?p=5795","title":{"rendered":"Surviving to Twenty-Five Part Three"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I have spent uncounted hours over the decades, consoling and counseling co-workers with marital troubles. \u00a0Why did people come to me? Because I am very happily into Year Nine of my third<\/em> marriage.\u00a0 Although it’s none of your goddamn business, I have unfortunately suffered through some of the worst divorce drama that any of my three different lawyers said they had yet encountered. \u00a0Yay, I win a prize.<\/p>\n

The demands of our work place can induce all manner of strife in our wedded relations.\u00a0 Shift work, Type A attitudes (yes, us), temptations, and general disillusionment with society can drive a wedge between a cop and his or her spouse.\u00a0 Once, I remember looking at our K9 plaque on the wall–the one with all the dog and handlers names–the divorce rate was horrendous, with 90% of the guys having at least one divorce.\u00a0 The winner was five.\u00a0 He said he was a serial monogamist.<\/p>\n

Prequel: \u00a0End one relationship before beginning another. \u00a0Nothing fuels the rocket of drama faster than allegations of cheating. \u00a0If you are having marriage problems, see them to a conclusion, then start again. \u00a0Okay, on to divorce…<\/p>\n

Lesson One: \u00a0Protect yourself. \u00a0Divorce is a cruel battleground. \u00a0Your enemy will give you no quarter. \u00a0This is especially true if kids or substantial assets are involved. \u00a0Quickly find a good attorney and heed his\/her advice. \u00a0A good attorney? \u00a0I’d recommend my second ex-wife’s. \u00a0She clobbered my inept shyster…and me.\u00a0 A divorce is a complicated legal matter for which you need counsel.\u00a0 Get it early on.<\/p>\n

Lesson Two: \u00a0Keep the children out of the ugliness. \u00a0Younger kids will suffer more if things are mean-spirited. \u00a0They don’t need to hear you and your other half badmouth each other. I suggest trying insulate them from the proceedings until they are older.\u00a0 Your feelings about their mom or dad are irrelevant to their need for security and stability.<\/p>\n

Lesson Three: \u00a0Handle your divorce outside the workplace. \u00a0Nothing like being the flavor of the month to ruin a good professional reputation or jeopardize your employment.<\/p>\n

Lesson Four: \u00a0Take care of yourself, physically and mentally. \u00a0You won’t feel like it, but getting good meals, sleep, and exercise are especially important during times of stress. Welcome to stress.<\/p>\n

Lesson Five: \u00a0Alcohol is a depressant. \u00a0Eliminate the sauce, or at least cut back. \u00a0Don’t make your real life resemble a country music ballad. \u00a0See Lesson Three.<\/p>\n

Lesson Six: \u00a0Ramp up your officer safety techniques. \u00a0During a divorce, you will be distracted. \u00a0Clear your mind when you are on the job and pay attention to the danger signs. A moment’s inattention can put citizens, partners, and you at risk.<\/p>\n

Lesson Seven: \u00a0A divorce can be a marathon, not a sprint. \u00a0If there are complications, this uncivilized civil proceeding can last for years. \u00a0Hunker down and do your best.<\/p>\n

Lesson Eight: \u00a0Don’t be a dick (non-gender specific). \u00a0You know what I mean.<\/p>\n

Lesson Nine: \u00a0Consider EAP, if things get dicey. \u00a0Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has no dog in your particular fight.\u00a0 I’m not ashamed to say I’ve been there.<\/p>\n

Lesson Ten: \u00a0Keep your immediate supervisor apprised of any divorce issues that might potentially impact your ability to do your job.\u00a0 This is also for your protection.\u00a0 It may lessen the shock if you come up out of the blue and say, “Guess what, Boss, I have a DV injunction against me!”\u00a0 Ask around, this has happened more than once.<\/p>\n

I recently watched a young man go through a relatively benign divorce. \u00a0There were no child custody disputes, the property was equitably distributed without a hiccup, and it had a short time frame. \u00a0Although I am ecstatic for him, it is not the norm.<\/p>\n

Again, I cannot stress enough to protect yourself. \u00a0I have seen vengeful spouses turn on officers and attack their Achilles’ tendon:\u00a0 an officer’s professional integrity.\u00a0 We carry the extra burden of having any<\/em> complaint against us investigated, unlike most other work places.\u00a0 In the end, make sure to always conduct yourself properly, be truthful in any legal proceeding, and follow your attorney’s lead.<\/p>\n

Your divorce should be tried in Family Court, not Internal Affairs.<\/p>\n

Randall<\/p>\n

Surviving to Twenty-Five<\/a><\/p>\n

Surviving to Twenty-Five Part Two<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have spent uncounted hours over the decades, consoling and counseling co-workers with marital troubles. \u00a0Why did people come to me? Because I am very happily into Year Nine of my third marriage.\u00a0 Although it’s none of your goddamn business, I have unfortunately suffered through some of the worst divorce drama that any of my three different lawyers said they had yet encountered. \u00a0Yay, I win a prize. The demands of our work place can induce all manner of strife in our wedded relations.\u00a0 Shift work, Type A attitudes (yes, us), temptations, and general disillusionment with society can drive a wedge between a cop and his or her spouse.\u00a0 Once, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[11,8],"tags":[713,780],"class_list":["post-5795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-misc","tag-surviving-law-enforcement","tag-surviving-to-twenty-five"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p28xkp-1vt","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5795","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5795"}],"version-history":[{"count":32,"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5795\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5829,"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5795\/revisions\/5829"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5795"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5795"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thinblueflorida.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5795"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}